When Shopping Feels Gross...

I had the misfortune of having to do some last minute shopping on Christmas eve, and frankly, I felt kinda gross during the process. It's not that I wasn't feeling the holiday spirit -- I was out with my wife and brother-in-law buying presents for their younger brothers -- but the scene at the Manhattan Mall was a little crazy. During last year's holiday season, people were injured and a man was even killed in crowd stampedes on Black Friday and other massive sale's events. In a supposedly civilized society, things like that should not happen...but when acquiring material things becomes more important than the people you are getting them for, perhaps there is a problem...

A-i-T is not a doctor, but my amateur diagnosis points to a severe case of Mass Consumerism.

Manhattan Mall and the general 34th St. and Broadway area were absolutely packed. It was like a swarm of locusts on a field of crops. Replace locusts with people, and crops with merchandise, and the picture becomes clear. Like me, I'm sure most people were out shopping for loved ones, but in place of laughter and joy, I was struck by the steely looks of determination on people's faces as they hunted down their product prey. People cursed loudly as they came upon lines any rational person should expect to be serpentine in nature and length at this time of year. Parents squabbled with unruly children pressing for an additional gift that they "really, really, really want!" Couples were arguing about what store to hit for their next purchase. Still others just looked angry at the fact that they had to be out on Christmas eve.

It's no secret that over the years Christmas has become an increasingly commercialized holiday. As soon as the months on the calendar start ending with 'B-E-R', the retail industry launches an all out assault on our senses to let us know what essential product is missing from our lives. This media blitz tells how much better our lives will be by buying product X, and it can cause our focus to shift. The spirit of joy and sharing  in this season seems to have been co-opted by capitalism and obscured by a desire for consuming.

CHRISTmas is ultimately about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. But whether or not you believe in Jesus, this holiday is truly about celebrating and appreciating your familly and friends. The three wise men gave baby Jesus gifts to show their love, respect and appreciation for the Saviour. We continue this tradition by giving gifts on Christmas to show our appreciation for those who love and support us during the other 364 days of the year. It feels amazing to be able to give someone something that they want and/or need and give them a bit of joy wrapped in colorful paper and a bow (if that's your thing).

What concerns me is when too much value becomes attached to the gift over what gift represents. What concerns me is when the drive to acquire a gift supplants the spirit and reason for giving it.

Madonna was more correct and predictive than she knew when she declared back in the 80's that "we are living in a material world." In today's world, consumption and the ability to do so are equated with happiness. The irony is that nothing we buy is built to last, so how can we expect temporal possessions to keep us permanently happy?

I felt gross last Thursday, not because I don't enjoy shopping or possess some "holier-than-thou" attitude when it comes to acquiring new stuff (A-i-T has a wish-list too), but because I was participating in a consumer culture that feels unhealthy. Let's flip it like this: We all know that our favorite fried or fast food tastes great going down, but often we feel a little gross after consuming it, ultimately not making it that satisfying. Current consumer culture is similar in that it feels great going down but after the initial high, the results can be less than satisfying.

Adults-in-Training, how do you feel about current consumer culture...is it in need of a make-over?

Peace,
A-i-T

What is (Age) Appropriate Dresscode Part 3: For the Ladies: Suffering for Fashion...Um...Why?

Have you ever seen someone so awkward that you begin to feel uncomfortable on their behalf? Well the other day I saw a woman wearing a very fashion-forward outfit with a killer set of high heels to match (yes, I do notice these things), but sadly, that's not what held my attention. What stuck out even more than her InStyle Magazine look, was her painfully awkward, knock-kneed, slightly pigeon-toed, hunched over walk. All of this because her heels were just too high for her comfort and that of anyone else watching. Now in my mind, her altitude-induced awkwardness completely ruined the style points she was scoring with her ensemble. So my question to you ladies is, why are you willing to suffer so much for fashion? 

According to an article citing research done by the Society of Chiropodists and Podiatrists, a survey of 2,000 women in the UK found that 37% of women will wear shoes that are too small for them if they are in style. It was also found that 40% of women will buy shoes that they know are too small. From a male perspective, this makes absolutely no sense...

To me, if you're rockin' a fly outfit but look hella awkward in appearance, doesn't that defeat the whole purpose? Isn't the point of fashion not only to make you look good but also feel good? Should an Adult-in-Training go chasing after the latest trend just because it's hot and e'rybody and their mama is wearing it, all at the expense of your own personal comfort? Let's not forget the fact that NOT EVERY FASHION IS FOR EVERY-BODY (pun totally intended).

Now guys can be equally as guilty of blindly following trends, but I believe (correct me if I'm wrong) that men are far less likely to wear something that is just plain uncomfortable, just because it's in style. A-i-T will admit to owning one pair of sneakers that are a half-size too small because they were the last pair in stock and I really wanted them...but beyond that, all my clothing and shoes fit. 

Guys pay more attention than you might think to what women wear, but what we notice even more than a well put together look is a woman that is confident about what she's wearing and above all that she's comfortable in it. Nothing is more annoying and less sexy than a woman in an outfit that she is obviously uncomfortable with, or a woman complaining all night that her feet hurt, and that's just A-i-T keeping it true...

Like Drake said, "Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin' with no make-up on -- That's when you're the prettiest..." 

So, A-i-T ladies, does the pursuit of fashion truly trump comfort? Are a cute pair of heels (3+ inches tall) really worth the corns, blisters, sore feet, and tension headaches? 

Peace,

A-i-T

Does Lying Make The World Go Round?

Is saying everything that's on your mind the same thing as telling the truth? Or is it just living your thought-life without a verbal filter? 

A few weeks ago, I watched the movie, "The Invention of Lying" with Ricky Gervais (from the original UK version of "The Office"). To sum up the plot, Gervais's character lives in a world where everyone always tells the truth, until Gervais tells the world's first lie -- hilarity ensues. This movie got me wondering about the role that lies, partial truths, withholding of information, and all other forms of questionable "truthiness" (for all my Colbert Report fans) play in our day-to-day lives. What would happen if we actually lived in a world where we lacked the ability to lie? But let's rewind the tape for a second: "lacked the ability to lie." Maybe this is where the conversation should begin. Lying, just like singing, seems to be viewed by society as an ability, albeit a negative one (and some would even argue with that assertion). Let's rephrase that question: what if we lived in a world where everyone told the truth (the whole truth and nothing but) all the time? 

We've all been told by our mothers that, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Why then in this movie, did the truth come across as so mean? Does it reveal some inherent nasty/judgmental streak in all of us, which lying or filtering our thoughts serves to cover up? Think about how we smile and laugh with people we can't stand to be around, but haven't told them what's really good. Think about the hundreds of judgmental, critical, snarky thoughts/comments that pass through our heads on a daily basis that we simply never verbalize. What would happen if we let them loose, would our world be better or worse off for it? 

I wondered as I watched the movie, does lying make the world go round? Does keeping our negative thoughts/intentions to ourselves really make the world a more pleasant place to live or just give it a nice appearance? Where do you draw the line between telling the truth and giving out too much information? Wouldn't life be more transparent if we actually knew exactly what the people we interact with are thinking/feeling/seeing/plotting while we are talking to them? This form of "extreme truth telling" would put everything out in the open, but it seems that is exactly what we are most afraid of, and therein we find the entry point for lies. But what exactly about ourselves, our thoughts, and actions are we trying to hide?

I understand that we all need to keep certain things in reserve, but must we lie to do so? Living your life as an open book means that everyone you meet will know where you stand, but it also means that both well and ill-intentioned individuals get to read your story. I was raised to believe, however, that honesty is the best policy. I think of it as a sign of respect for yourself and others. I'm reminded of the novel/movie "Kite Runner," where the main character's father tells his son that stealing is the worst possible crime. In the context of this blog post, lying is equivalent to stealing someone's right to the truth -- and I find this to be a powerful analogy. The truth sets us free, whereas lies dis-empower... 

As there are many types and levels of theft, we also have multiple forms of lies: white lies, black lies, etc. and even "benevolent lies" that supposedly do more good than harm. Funny how there is only one type of truth, and any deviation from it renders it completely tarnished. But are lies only spoken? Can we also lie with our actions? With all these different avenues for lying, how and when do we tell the truth? Perhaps in the following situations:

1) Speak the truth when asked

2) Speak the truth when the situation dictates

3) If you decide to speak, you should say exactly what's on your mind. 

Adult's in training, what do you think about the role lies play in our day to day lives? Can we live in a truth only society or do lies play a necessary and integral role in making society function? 

Peace,
Nii Ato