When Shopping Feels Gross...

I had the misfortune of having to do some last minute shopping on Christmas eve, and frankly, I felt kinda gross during the process. It's not that I wasn't feeling the holiday spirit -- I was out with my wife and brother-in-law buying presents for their younger brothers -- but the scene at the Manhattan Mall was a little crazy. During last year's holiday season, people were injured and a man was even killed in crowd stampedes on Black Friday and other massive sale's events. In a supposedly civilized society, things like that should not happen...but when acquiring material things becomes more important than the people you are getting them for, perhaps there is a problem...

A-i-T is not a doctor, but my amateur diagnosis points to a severe case of Mass Consumerism.

Manhattan Mall and the general 34th St. and Broadway area were absolutely packed. It was like a swarm of locusts on a field of crops. Replace locusts with people, and crops with merchandise, and the picture becomes clear. Like me, I'm sure most people were out shopping for loved ones, but in place of laughter and joy, I was struck by the steely looks of determination on people's faces as they hunted down their product prey. People cursed loudly as they came upon lines any rational person should expect to be serpentine in nature and length at this time of year. Parents squabbled with unruly children pressing for an additional gift that they "really, really, really want!" Couples were arguing about what store to hit for their next purchase. Still others just looked angry at the fact that they had to be out on Christmas eve.

It's no secret that over the years Christmas has become an increasingly commercialized holiday. As soon as the months on the calendar start ending with 'B-E-R', the retail industry launches an all out assault on our senses to let us know what essential product is missing from our lives. This media blitz tells how much better our lives will be by buying product X, and it can cause our focus to shift. The spirit of joy and sharing  in this season seems to have been co-opted by capitalism and obscured by a desire for consuming.

CHRISTmas is ultimately about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. But whether or not you believe in Jesus, this holiday is truly about celebrating and appreciating your familly and friends. The three wise men gave baby Jesus gifts to show their love, respect and appreciation for the Saviour. We continue this tradition by giving gifts on Christmas to show our appreciation for those who love and support us during the other 364 days of the year. It feels amazing to be able to give someone something that they want and/or need and give them a bit of joy wrapped in colorful paper and a bow (if that's your thing).

What concerns me is when too much value becomes attached to the gift over what gift represents. What concerns me is when the drive to acquire a gift supplants the spirit and reason for giving it.

Madonna was more correct and predictive than she knew when she declared back in the 80's that "we are living in a material world." In today's world, consumption and the ability to do so are equated with happiness. The irony is that nothing we buy is built to last, so how can we expect temporal possessions to keep us permanently happy?

I felt gross last Thursday, not because I don't enjoy shopping or possess some "holier-than-thou" attitude when it comes to acquiring new stuff (A-i-T has a wish-list too), but because I was participating in a consumer culture that feels unhealthy. Let's flip it like this: We all know that our favorite fried or fast food tastes great going down, but often we feel a little gross after consuming it, ultimately not making it that satisfying. Current consumer culture is similar in that it feels great going down but after the initial high, the results can be less than satisfying.

Adults-in-Training, how do you feel about current consumer culture...is it in need of a make-over?

Peace,
A-i-T

What is (Age) Appropriate Dresscode Part 3: For the Ladies: Suffering for Fashion...Um...Why?

Have you ever seen someone so awkward that you begin to feel uncomfortable on their behalf? Well the other day I saw a woman wearing a very fashion-forward outfit with a killer set of high heels to match (yes, I do notice these things), but sadly, that's not what held my attention. What stuck out even more than her InStyle Magazine look, was her painfully awkward, knock-kneed, slightly pigeon-toed, hunched over walk. All of this because her heels were just too high for her comfort and that of anyone else watching. Now in my mind, her altitude-induced awkwardness completely ruined the style points she was scoring with her ensemble. So my question to you ladies is, why are you willing to suffer so much for fashion? 

According to an article citing research done by the Society of Chiropodists and Podiatrists, a survey of 2,000 women in the UK found that 37% of women will wear shoes that are too small for them if they are in style. It was also found that 40% of women will buy shoes that they know are too small. From a male perspective, this makes absolutely no sense...

To me, if you're rockin' a fly outfit but look hella awkward in appearance, doesn't that defeat the whole purpose? Isn't the point of fashion not only to make you look good but also feel good? Should an Adult-in-Training go chasing after the latest trend just because it's hot and e'rybody and their mama is wearing it, all at the expense of your own personal comfort? Let's not forget the fact that NOT EVERY FASHION IS FOR EVERY-BODY (pun totally intended).

Now guys can be equally as guilty of blindly following trends, but I believe (correct me if I'm wrong) that men are far less likely to wear something that is just plain uncomfortable, just because it's in style. A-i-T will admit to owning one pair of sneakers that are a half-size too small because they were the last pair in stock and I really wanted them...but beyond that, all my clothing and shoes fit. 

Guys pay more attention than you might think to what women wear, but what we notice even more than a well put together look is a woman that is confident about what she's wearing and above all that she's comfortable in it. Nothing is more annoying and less sexy than a woman in an outfit that she is obviously uncomfortable with, or a woman complaining all night that her feet hurt, and that's just A-i-T keeping it true...

Like Drake said, "Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin' with no make-up on -- That's when you're the prettiest..." 

So, A-i-T ladies, does the pursuit of fashion truly trump comfort? Are a cute pair of heels (3+ inches tall) really worth the corns, blisters, sore feet, and tension headaches? 

Peace,

A-i-T

Does Lying Make The World Go Round?

Is saying everything that's on your mind the same thing as telling the truth? Or is it just living your thought-life without a verbal filter? 

A few weeks ago, I watched the movie, "The Invention of Lying" with Ricky Gervais (from the original UK version of "The Office"). To sum up the plot, Gervais's character lives in a world where everyone always tells the truth, until Gervais tells the world's first lie -- hilarity ensues. This movie got me wondering about the role that lies, partial truths, withholding of information, and all other forms of questionable "truthiness" (for all my Colbert Report fans) play in our day-to-day lives. What would happen if we actually lived in a world where we lacked the ability to lie? But let's rewind the tape for a second: "lacked the ability to lie." Maybe this is where the conversation should begin. Lying, just like singing, seems to be viewed by society as an ability, albeit a negative one (and some would even argue with that assertion). Let's rephrase that question: what if we lived in a world where everyone told the truth (the whole truth and nothing but) all the time? 

We've all been told by our mothers that, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Why then in this movie, did the truth come across as so mean? Does it reveal some inherent nasty/judgmental streak in all of us, which lying or filtering our thoughts serves to cover up? Think about how we smile and laugh with people we can't stand to be around, but haven't told them what's really good. Think about the hundreds of judgmental, critical, snarky thoughts/comments that pass through our heads on a daily basis that we simply never verbalize. What would happen if we let them loose, would our world be better or worse off for it? 

I wondered as I watched the movie, does lying make the world go round? Does keeping our negative thoughts/intentions to ourselves really make the world a more pleasant place to live or just give it a nice appearance? Where do you draw the line between telling the truth and giving out too much information? Wouldn't life be more transparent if we actually knew exactly what the people we interact with are thinking/feeling/seeing/plotting while we are talking to them? This form of "extreme truth telling" would put everything out in the open, but it seems that is exactly what we are most afraid of, and therein we find the entry point for lies. But what exactly about ourselves, our thoughts, and actions are we trying to hide?

I understand that we all need to keep certain things in reserve, but must we lie to do so? Living your life as an open book means that everyone you meet will know where you stand, but it also means that both well and ill-intentioned individuals get to read your story. I was raised to believe, however, that honesty is the best policy. I think of it as a sign of respect for yourself and others. I'm reminded of the novel/movie "Kite Runner," where the main character's father tells his son that stealing is the worst possible crime. In the context of this blog post, lying is equivalent to stealing someone's right to the truth -- and I find this to be a powerful analogy. The truth sets us free, whereas lies dis-empower... 

As there are many types and levels of theft, we also have multiple forms of lies: white lies, black lies, etc. and even "benevolent lies" that supposedly do more good than harm. Funny how there is only one type of truth, and any deviation from it renders it completely tarnished. But are lies only spoken? Can we also lie with our actions? With all these different avenues for lying, how and when do we tell the truth? Perhaps in the following situations:

1) Speak the truth when asked

2) Speak the truth when the situation dictates

3) If you decide to speak, you should say exactly what's on your mind. 

Adult's in training, what do you think about the role lies play in our day to day lives? Can we live in a truth only society or do lies play a necessary and integral role in making society function? 

Peace,
Nii Ato

The Quarter Life Crisis: Fact, Fiction, or Modern Invention?

Stop me if this sounds familiar: you are an Adult-in-Training who is about 2-5 yrs removed from college. You are in your mid-to-late twenties and may or may not be onto your second or third job. You are either completing or seriously contemplating grad school (especially in this economy). Life may be going okay overall, but you are not 100% happy with or are somewhat unsure about the way things are turning out career-wise, relationship-wise etc. You also find yourself occasionally freaking out a little about why you don't have it all together yet cos now you're an adult. Sound familiar?
Well, it appears you've got a bad case of Quarter-Life Crisis... or do you? This could just be another disorder that the pharmaceutical industry is telling you that you have because they've already got a pill that will cure you or at least alleviate your symptoms (plus give you some of those awesome side effects).

Where is this pressure coming from that has us stressing out about growing into our own skin at our own pace? Who set the standards of achievement and the timeline for the 20-something trying to make their way in the world?

If we flashback a few generations ago (think grandparents and older), by age 25 most people were married, owned a home, had children (on the way at least), and were in a steady job that they would likely occupy until retirement. To most of us residing in 2009, this is a totally foreign and some might even say scary notion. Society's milestones have radically shifted in the last 30-50 years, in a direction that has given modern young adults an extra five to ten years (read: by age 35) to get established. If we are trending toward sinking our teeth into careers, getting married, and starting families later in life...why are 25-year olds freaking out these days (yelling "quarter-life crisis!") when in the grand scheme of life, we literally just took the training wheels off yesterday?

We are all Adults-in-Training, 'training' being the operative word. Most of us are truly on our own for the first time in our lives and working our way towards our goals. We are just getting used to seeing our own name on every bill that appears in the mail box. We are signing leases and dreaming of owning our own property. We are dragging ourselves to our jobs, looking forward to one day living for our careers. We are dating, hoping to find that special person to spend our life with. In other words, everything we are doing right now is just practice for the future.

We must learn to crawl before we can walk. We must learn to walk before we can run. We must learn to run before we can fly. All of us must pass through these stages before we can truly take flight...but let us not forget that no two A-i-T's will pass through at these stages at the same time or at the same rate. To put things in perspective, I am two years older than Lebron James, but never in my life will I be as rich and famous as he is or amaze the world with my skill, and that's okay. Lebron James will never be a therapist and help people resolve problems on a personal level like I will once I finish grad school, and that's okay too.

There is a lot of pressure to succeed in today's fast paced world, but all the indicators of success seem to be external, superficial, and most of all, totally arbitrary. Who are we trying to keep pace with, or who should be we be keeping pace with other than ourselves? Society may set the tempo, but we can still decide how we are going to dance. I'm gonna go ahead and chalk up this quarter-life-crisis to fiction and modern invention. If our parents and grandparents weren't flipping out at age 25, then why should we?

So Adults-in-Training, let's chill out a little in this basketball game called life. We have three more quarters to go and the ball is in our collective hands...

Adults-in-Training, do you believe in the "quarter-life-crisis" or is it just a social construction or self-imposed illusion?

Peace,
A-i-T

Too Busy to Commit or Fear of Commitment? The Evite RSVP...

Remember when we were kids and we received and invitation for a friend's birthday party or some other gathering, and there was never any question that we were going? Remember when the only thing that could possibly stop you from going to your friend's party was getting sick, your parents, or an act of  God? What in the world happened to that?!?! That instantaneous "yes," RSVP reply. As Adults-in-Training, we now seem to live in a world of the ambiguous, noncommittal "maybe." I'm left wondering...why is that?

Now, before I go any further, I must acknowledge that as A-i-T's, we have both professional and domestic responsibilities, significant others, bills to pay, errands to run...and sometimes  we require this thing called sleep. In short, life can appear like a never ending to do list. Admittedly, sometimes we just plain don't fee like going. All this aside, where do our friends fit in and how is it that we have become "too busy" or hesitant to sign on the dotted line and commit to attending a friend's event once invited?

Let's keep it true for a second...when we  receive an Evite on a Monday, is it possible that most of us normally have no clue what we are doing on Friday or Saturday (in terms going out)? Is it possible that we probably won't know what we are doing till Thursday (at the earliest) or even  the day of? Why then do we act like we are going to be busy the day of the event and therefore avoid committing to attending our friend's event with that vague "maybe" response? Why is it that an invitation seems to invite us to think about every reason why we cannot make the event, rather than thinking about how we can?  

Are we trying to hold our options open in case something "better" might come along the way? Are we looking for a loophole in case we decide at the last minute not to go? Are we trying not to disappoint our friend by RSVP-ing "yes," and then not showing up?

Has anyone else noticed the change in evite/invitation etiquette over the last couple of years from one week's notice, to the recent standard of two weeks? When did we become corporations requiring two-weeks notice in order to enact some slow HR process to react to change? Are we honestly so busy as to warrant two-weeks notice from a friend to attend a social gathering?

"Busy," seems to be the default state of being for us A-i-Ts these days and I wonder if we haven't gotten too caught up in the illusion of being so? I won't pretend to know anyone's schedule or commitments, but too often, it has perpetually "been so long" since we last saw friend X. Whether you work, are in grad school, or both, Monday through Friday are understandably hectic and rigorously scheduled. The weekend is supposed to be reserved for personal errands, rest & relaxation, and catching up with the people you don't get to see 40+ hours a week. It seems like this latter part is slowly getting squeezed out by packed weekends or at least the illusion of them. But how are we supposed to catch up with friends if we don't make the time? 

It seems to me that accepting an invitation to a social gathering is an easy way to remedy that problem. The only stress on our part involves clicking a mouse... 

Fellow Adults-in-Training, what happened to that auto-"yes"-reply from our youth? Have we become too busy to commit?

Peace,
A-i-T

What is (Age) Appropriate Dresscode? Part 2: For the Fellas...

I recently received an email from a close friend of mine after he read my post on dress code for the 25+ set (What is (Age) Appropriate Dress Code?), and he made some great comments/statements which I thought I'd share and attempt to respond to: 

"Seriously, what is the appropriate dress code for 26-somethings??? When I'm not working, I never know what to wear anymore. Also, how much should I be looking to spend to overhaul my closet?  I don't have the luxury of a woman's touch in my household..." 

For those guys out there who don't have a girlfriend/fiancee/wife editing your closet and using you like a life-size Ken doll, upgrading your style/overhauling your closet can certainly be a challenge. Though my wife has been a great help, I'm still tryin' to figure this stuff out for myself...because at the end of the day, it's got to be my comfort and my style.

Fortunately or unfortunately, for us men, our clothing choices are somewhat limited. When we go to work, it's either a suit and tie or whatever degree of "business casual" your office operates by. The toughest decision we have to make is what color shirt to wear and to make sure our belt matches our shoes -- some of us don't even get that far. What then do we do for the approximately 54 hours (Friday - Sunday) where we actually get to choose our look?!?! 

Disclaimer: I am not a fashion expert by any means. I am not necessarily up on the latest trends, but I do try to pay attention. I am mos def NOT a label chaser. What I am is a guy who does his best to look neat (I iron a lot, my wife/friends will tell you), and I never wear anything that doesn't work/complement my body type. In this piece I'm not going to tell you what to wear, but rather, how to...  

Figure out "what you want to look like:"

-Pick a style icon/trend that you can identify with -- in other words, find some inspiration. This icon can be anything from your favorite male celebrity to that guy at your office or favorite hang out spot that always looks sharp. I'm not advocating biting anyone's style, but I am saying to take notes.

-Check out your favorite men's magazine (both print and online) such as GQ, Men's Health, Esquire, or Ecko's Complex magazines for fashion ideas, tips, and current trends to help get a sense of what's out there. You can't create your new style if you don't know what your options are...

Start assembling your look by buying "pieces" NOT outfits:

-Once you identify what you like and you think will look good on you, go out and start trying and buying pieces here and there. This will allow you to gradually transform your overall look. Sometimes all it takes is a nice fall jacket, a great watch, a fresh pair of kicks, or even finding a store where clothes just fit better in order to transform your whole appearance...

-The idea is to be able to mix and match. If you go out and buy a full OUTFIT...it's hard to take one piece Out Of It and wear it with something else...

-Right now more tailored shirts and slimmer fitting jeans are in. For most guys with an average to athletic build, a well tailored shirt and less baggy jeans will give you a leaner and cleaner cut look. For slightly shorter guys like myself (5ft.7), this look even helps you look a little taller... 

Shop within your budget and don't sleep on discount retailers:

-Don't go and break the bank to upgrade your style. Fly + Broke = Not a Good Look

-For me, Express and H&M have been invaluable in helping me change/upgrade my style without spending too much...the styles are fresh and always reflect the latest trends without high fashion prices -- and the quality is pretty good.

-Don't forget about the Gap/Old Navy, Filene's Basement, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Loheman's, and other such stores. You're gonna have to dig...but if you go in knowing what you're looking for...when you find it, the price will make it all worth it...

Above all...have fun with it and don't try and follow trends blindly. Just cos it's hot right now does not mean it looks hot on you... 

I hope this was helpful...please let me know if you have any additional input or if I missed anything...

Peace,

A-i-T

Letters to A-i-T & Other Updates

Hey y'all,

In an effort to make this blog more interactive, I have made a few changes/updates:

1) Contact me: adultintraining12@gmail.com 

-I have created an email address where you can send questions, general comments about the blog, private comments, or share ideas for future blog post topics you'd like to see or even submit your own piece for publishing...basically this will be the best way for you to get in touch with me and give your input and feedback.

2) Get Adult-in-Training Updates: I have added subscription capability to my blog using RSS feeds. You can sign up to receive updates on Posts and/or Comments on this blog via the method of your choosing. Check out the second section on the right-hand panel of the page, "Get Adult-in-Training Updates!"

3) Comments (Leave Wun): I love to hear what you think/ feel about the posts on this blog. It's important for me to get your input/feedback -- it also lets me know that people are actually reading my blog ;-)

-To comment: 

1) Click the title of the blog and scroll past the article for the comment box OR
2) Click the "COMMENTS (LEAVE WUN) link found under the title. Once again scroll down for the comment box 

3) You can comment as yourself or anonymously...so let 'em fly!

4) Reactions Section: Immediately underneath each post there are a row of check boxes with some reactions that you can just click to just show your immediate reaction to your article. I thought this would be a fun little feature for y'all to use if you didn't feel like typing a full comment. Let me know if the categories need editing... 

Finally...if you like what you've been reading...Please show your support by clicking the "Follow" button and join as a "Public Member." You won't receive any emails unless you subscribe as described earlier. It's just a way of showing that you like my blog...nothing more, nothing less... 

Peace,

A-i-T

Poly-what? Polyamory...

I was watching MTV on Monday night to catch the replay of the VMAs and personally witness how Kanye West permanently cemented his status as the biggest egomaniac the entertainment world has ever seen (dang 'Ye, not a good look). Normally, I try to preserve brain cells by not watching too much MTV, but then an episode of True Life came on and you know how sometimes you just can't turn away from something? Well this was one of those times...enter MTV's True Life: I'm Polyamorous. 

~From Wikipedia

Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and free consent of everyone involved. 

Polyamorous - adjective 

This episode focused on two sets of polyamorous relationships, specifically one between three gay men, and another involving two "bi-curious" women and a man. In full disclosure, I must state that the concept/practice of polamory does not match my values. To me, anything that is not monogamy is cheating, swinging, or being a player/playette, none of which I agree with [and polyamory just sounds like a euphemism for those]. I do not take issue, however, with sexual orientation. This blog will never debate or discuss it beyond direct relevance to the topic at hand as this is not the appropriate forum.

This aside, what intrigued, confused, and stirred various other emotions in me was the fact that a person would willingly enter into a love triangle, when most would agree that these relationships tend to result in total "hot messness" -- usually because one participant is in the dark. The full disclosure that characterizes polyamory would seem to resolve the discovery/betrayal issue and allow all participants to gain fulfillment but how good can anyone really be about sharing someone they are intimate with?

As events unfolded in the show, it became very clear watching both relationships that one member got the best of both worlds by being the "central/dominant lover" of the two peripheral players. Eventually, one partner felt left out, leading them (in both cases) to bring in a fourth member in order to "balance the equation." Doesn't this totally contradict the premise of this supposed next level relationship style? If they have to revert back to pairing in order to be fully satisfied, doesn't that mean polyamory doesn't ultimately work?

Last time I checked, when it comes to love, "two's company, and three's a crowd." Following this logic, how does the math in polyamory add up, and where does it stop?

Maintaining one solid intimate relationship presents enough challenges for the average person. This said, how do you do better with more people in the mix? Are these relationships truly deep and intimate, or are they merely a convenient mechanism for people to mutually but selfishly satisfy a need for love and attention -- that ultimately we all seek? To me, the whole concept appears shallow and stems from a fear of commitment.

I wonder what is it about society and current relationship trends that has people so afraid of true and deep love -- leading some to pursue things like polyamory? Going back to my previous post about marriage (If It's Broke...Try to Fix It...) it would seem that the nature of relationships in general, whether married or dating have changed at some fundamental level. It appears some people are on a quest to to fill up some sort of hole within their life, and will pursue what seems to work for the moment, rather than seeking something more lasting.   

Adults-in-Training, what's your reaction to this concept of polyamory? Do you think it's okay to be intimate with more than one person if all parties know and agree? Had you heard of it before? What impact do you think it has on society/how people approach relationships? 

Peace,

A-i-T

Where Are All the Good Ones...?

Some of my boys have been actively wondering where all the intelligent, beautiful, down-to-earth women are hiding these days because they just can't seem to find any. I'm sure many of you ladies are also wondering the same thing about the fellas. Now, A-i-T is mos def not about to become a dating or matchmaking website (especially given my previous posts: The Game; Who Does Online Dating Work For?), but I wonder, how do we rectify this situation? How do we get quality people that we know and love to meet and allow what sparks may fly...to um...fly?

I like to think that my network of friends comprises an interesting, diverse, intelligent and eclectic group of amazing people. This is not to say that they should all start dating each other (a little incestuous), but I'm sure some great connections could be made, either directly, or could lead to some promising introductions. I just wonder what's preventing such great group of people from meeting other great people?

I get worried sometimes that some of my friends are starting to get jaded because of the current difficulty they are experiencing making the right connection. I think the worst part is that most of them aren't necessarily doing anything wrong. They are not one date wonders, they are not socially awkward, or pretending to be something they're not. Perhaps the answer is to just do what they are doing, but differently...? 

I read a great article in the August 2009 issue of Men's Health Magazine entitled, "She's Out There," (by Kyle Western) which I think dropped some great knowledge regarding the modern dating scene. It debunks the myth of the bar/club pick up (sorry fellas) and sheds some light on the places where people can truly meet and make a connection and how to get it done. Granted this article is written for an exclusively male audience, I believe it reveals some universal truths, which boil down to three things... 

Actively meet new people, go to new places, and try new things...it sounded to me like through enriching your own life and experiencing new things, new people will inevitably come your way...as new friends, acquaintances, and possibly the man/woman you've been waiting for may just happen to be in that record store in another neighborhood that you've never bothered checking out. This always seems "easier said than done," but have we become to busy, too preoccupied or even too comfortable to get out of our normal routine? 

The article cited a Northeastern University study tracking the movements of 100,000 cellphone users over 6 months found that almost 50% did not travel outside of 6-mile radius within their town/city. 83% stayed within a 37-mile radius (I guess this includes driving cities and the suburban areas). People tended to spend the majority of their time in five or fewer places!

Thinking about it, it's so true...we spend most of our time basically circulating between home, work/school, and neighborhood spots like the gym, grocery store, and our favorite coffee shop/restaurant, with the occasional run to the bank or dry cleaner. We are pure creatures of habit, so it seems we need to shake things up! Put plainly, if we stick to the same routine, our dating pool might as well be of the inflatable kiddie pool kind -- but what is the alternative? Sometimes we like being in our little neighborhoods and our little coffee shops. Is it okay to keep going to that coffee shop till you meet the one? Or is it time to step out?

Fellow Adults-in-Training...what do you think?

Peace,
A-i-T

A-i-T in Transition...

Hey y'all,

As some of you may know, I just started grad school at Columbia, and today was actually my first day of classes. I'm still reeling from all the emotions etc. but I'm excited about what lies ahead (despite putting my foot in my mouth during a class today...it was quite awesome...) [Likely a future blog post after I get in at least a week of school]

Anyway, I'm writing to let you all know that as I go through this transition period, the regularity of my posts is going to change until I have a better idea of how to fit blogging (among other things) into my new schedule. As I'm sure you've noticed...the posting the past couple of weeks has been sporadic at best in the run-up to my going to school...

As always, I will announce new posts on Facebook...otherwise check back every 3+ days for new posts.

I continue to thank you for your love, support, and feedback...As always, my blog would be nothing without YOU, so I hope you continue to read...

*Please show your support by joining the blog if you haven't already...*

**Please leave comments because I love to know what you think/feel...**

***Remember...this is your blog too!***

Peace,

A-i-T

Are We in Trouble?

DISCLAIMER: 1) I'm really not a fan of Soulja Boy or the current crop of ringtone generating artists.
2) My tone may seem a little shrill, but this piece is not an indictment on pop culture, but rather a call to examine the direction it is heading. I personally think things are more extreme than they were when I was a kid coming up...

I was at a wedding this past weekend dancing and having a good ol' time with friends, new and old and some young'uns ranging in age from 4 to 13. We are all gettin' down to group dance songs like the Cupid Shuffle, the Cha Cha Slide, and the inevitable grand daddy of 'em all, the Electric Slide, when all of a sudden the DJ decides to throw on some more recent joints...Enter Soulja Boy Tell 'Em...the following scene ensues...

"YOOOUUUUUHHH!!!"

The classic ringtone joint "Crank Dat" comes blaring through the speakers in all its steel drum glory. All Adults-in-Training proceed to groan, laugh, and roll their heads & eyes in recognition of this insanely popular but otherwise ridiculous song by an artist whose name will be forgotten in a year or two. The shock, awe, and awwww moments then came as all the kids on the dance floor from age 4 to 13 proceed to execute to near perfection (well, some better than others) the dance steps of this infamous song. Someone please tell me why two 6 year old boys were rapping the lyrics with near perfect delivery, while they executed all the steps like little Soulja-boys-in-training!?!? The little girls were right along with 'em. Repeat scene for DJ Unk's "Two Step." Then, as soon as some actual good music came on; 90's classics like Candy Rain (Soul 4 Real) and Motown Philly (Boys II Men), the kids scattered like a flock of startled birds...Hilarious...

The whole scene just as cute as it was disturbing, but it made me think, what are we teaching kids these days?!?! Who is raising our kids...is it us or MTV, BET, and VH1? Is it the slew of reality TV shows that we just can't seem to get enough of or the reality of a stable two parent household? Popular culture certainly has its place in all our lives, but when a six year old boy starts rapping "Supasoak that h@!" I think we've got a problem. Now at that age, he probably doesn't really understand what he's saying or the meaning behind the lyrics of the supremely "eloquent" song, but the impact of these songs, videos, and lyrics on a young impressionable mind cannot be taken for granted.

I'll freely admit to watching some of the junk that passes across the TV screen from time to time, but I can do it with a more critical eye and a higher level of understanding than a child. No child of mine, however, is going to be exposed to any of that stuff until they can digest it properly and truly understand it for what it is...(a little militant sounding, but I'd rather have them listening to Talib Kweli over Soulja Boy any day...)

Adults-in-Training, how do you feel about the impact of popular culture on today's youth? Are they in more danger of being negatively impacted by some of the media that's out there than we were? Or am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?

Peace,

A-i-T

What Exactly is (Age) Appropriate Dress Code?

“I don’t wear jerseys, I’m 30 plus, give me a crisp pair of jeans [fella] button ups …” ~Jay-Z – “What More Can I Say” (The Black Album)

When did it become “cool” to wear pants that you clearly bought in the junior’s section? When did it become “normal” to wear said pants below your butt and show the world varying amounts of your boxers (in bad cases boxer briefs) depending on how long your shirt is? When did it become “okay” to have to walk like you are carrying more than just your wallet in your back pocket? I don’t know about you, but to me, this latest fashion fad is TERRIDICULOUS! (Yes, you heard me!) This is an extreme example, but my question is, what is (age) appropriate dress code for an Adult-in-Training, and at what point should you let certain trends go?

For better or worse, your style and general outward appearance says a lot about you. It is the first impression you give to the world before they know the content of your character, the depth of your personality, or the fertility of your mind. Whether you are a label chaser or someone who purposely tries to look like they’re not trying (I personally don’t get that) we all make some sort of statement by what we wear. Given the profound weight we attach to such a superficial construct, how should an Adult-in-Training dress in order to “look” the part?

I am a long time lovH.E.R. of hip-hop and its innovative fashion and I definitely went through my phases with baggy jeans and t-shirts from the likes of Tommy Hilfiger/Nautica (flashback to middle school) and then Ecko, Mecca, Triple 5 Soul (high school/college). But nowadays, as a result of age, changes in taste and self-image, not to mention some um, tasteful “editing” of my closet done by girlfriend, fiancée, and now wife (yes at each stage she got bolder!) I now have a completely different wardrobe from what I had four years ago (we know how you ladies do. This sounds like another blog entry!). If I had the cash, I’d totally be a sneaker-head, but I still appreciate a fresh pair of kicks.
***Check out my girl Shelby's post, "Fresh Sneakers," also on this topic***

I’m 26 and comfortable with where I currently am fashion-wise, but I wonder, will my current wardrobe work for me when I’m 30? 35? When I’m a dad? In my experience, I don’t have a clear memory of my dad wearing sneakers when we weren’t on the tennis court. At what point do sneakers become purely athletic wear and no longer a fashion statement? When do loafers or some other more adult-looking shoes become my status quo? Should my jeans and my wardrobe become more “fitted” or dare I say more conservative as I grow older? I have it in my head sometimes that since I’m married…I should look a certain way. When I become a dad, I also somehow feel that I should look a certain way.

Now, this post is obviously written from a male perspective, but I think women are differently, if not less affected by this issue because there is so much more freedom/variety in constructing personal style (I could be wrong). I also think there may be more fluidity in so called (age) "appropriate" fashion allowing a 25 year old and 35 year old woman to have similar taste. The lines are definitely being blurred for men, but I think the paradigm wardrobe shifts are more dramatic as we age…

Fellow Adults-in-Training, what to you constitutes (age) appropriate dress code? Are we being too judgmental on the sagging pants trend? Should people be allowed to express themselves any way they want? How should style evolve with age if at all? Should what we wear even matter in relation to our age? What fashion trends do you feel HAVE TO be let go at different stages?

Peace,
A-i-T

Who Am I and What Did I Do...?

On my way to visit a friend the other night, I passed by a group of about 20 people setting up to sleep outside for the night on the sidewalk in front of a store. No tents, no sleeping bags, many didn’t even have the typical woven sleeping mat – their bed was the cold, hard concrete and the cloth they wrapped themselves in. Here am I driving in a car that I didn’t buy, with food in my stomach that I didn’t cook, and a roof over my head I will be returning to that I don’t rent or own but can live in as if it were my own. As these thoughts paraded through my mind, I thought to myself – “Who am I and what did I do to deserve the life that I currently lead?”

I recently finished reading the latest Malcolm Gladwell book, “Outliers.” This book helped put into sharp perspective for me that a lot of the comfort, achievement, and success, that I (and many of us) enjoy today came not as a result of anything that I did, but a combination of blessing (some say luck/fate) and the work of those that came before me. A lot of who I am and what I have today came as a result of being born into it – the work contributed on my part? In the grand scheme, virtually a drop in the bucket. But this is not to say that I haven’t worked hard -- little drops of water makes a mighty ocean – all of us are contributors at our own level.

The book talks about how inherent advantages, life chances, etc. can cause two people with the same capabilities to have completely divergent life outcomes. It explores random factors such as being born during a certain part of the year, coming of age during a particular time-span in history, having chance access to a new technology, etc.. These seemingly innocuous factors can contribute, purely by chance, to a skyrocketing trajectory for some, and a merry-go-round ride for others.

As many of you know, I come from Ghana. We are a nation with great potential which we are steadily working toward, but one thing we still struggle with is the creation of a true middle-class. Right now, to be frank, you either have or you don’t. This is a story that is true around the world – there may be more money in industrialized nations, but the income inequality can be just as stark. I remember my father sitting me down one day and telling me outright; “You are lucky. The fact that you can wake up and get in a car [albeit a nice one] puts you in a different position that a vast majority of people in this country [Ghana], and in this world.” How do you react to that?

This piece is not meant to be a guilt-ridden confession or change manifesto, of an advantaged, college educated, middle-class man. It is rather a wake-up call to remind myself not to get lulled into a state of self-satisfied smugness where I rest on laurels that I only partially earned. I was born to two highly educated parents, who in their own right have achieved quite a bit. They both come from a stock of education and achievement that afforded them their life chances and a somewhat predetermined path to success. I’ve been to good schools and was EXPECTED to go to college. I was even EXPECTED to attend grad school. And here I now find myself traveling an already well worn path, which my progeny will undoubtedly walk as well.

I count myself as blessed, and the trick is to remember it as I go about my day-to-day life…thankfulness and humility go a long way...

Adults-in-Training, we all come from different backgrounds and have taken different paths to where we are today, but do you recognize the blessings/luck/advantages in your life?

Peace,
A-i-T

Faith is a Journey

As part of being an Adult-in-Training, I believe that we all deal with the question of spirituality/faith/religion on our respective paths toward being full-fledged grown folk. We run the gambit from being staunch atheists to being so “saved” that we must pray over using a “Dirt Devil” vacuum cleaner! No matter where you are on this continuum, exploring or evangelizing, seeking or sanctified, I think that it is important to remember that faith is a journey. Often, the trappings and ceremonies of religion can be an obstacle we must get around in order to reach our final destination.

I personally have always believed in God, but it was not until about four years ago did I begin to actively/consciously attempt to learn about Him and read His Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (“B.I.B.L.E”. – by GZA of the Wu-Tang Clan). In 2009, I can claim a stronger belief in God, increased faith, and feeling a genuine pull to improve myself and uplift those around me in the “love thy neighbor” kinda way. Nevertheless, reaching where I am today has not been easy, and I still face some challenges/questions concerning the growth of my personal faith.

Those of you who know me well, know that I’ve been through a few things in the past three years. My wife and I have most definitely been through some things during that time. In my 26 years on this planet, the last few have by far been the most difficult, though at the same time some truly great things have happened. Now, this is not to ask for sympathy or condolences, but to say to you and even to remind myself that, I AM STILL HERE!

Those situations were neither the end of the world nor the end of me. I got through them, learned from them (some lessons stuck better than others), and for the most part, I can confidently say that I am a better person for having gone through those situations. Whether you believe in a higher power or not, I think we can all agree that life’s struggles tend to build character. Some say not to trust anybody who’s never had to struggle. For me, being able to believe in something bigger than myself was a major factor in weathering life’s inevitable storms. I have also been working to break out of the finite thinking, which a lot of us can get trapped in – not allowing ourselves to see beyond the problems staring us in the face. The bigger picture is always so much more revealing…

I read a great devotional on the In Touch Ministries website this morning called, Preparation for Greater Service, which inspired this post. The main takeaways for me were as follows:

-God takes whatever faith we bring to the table and helps us grow it.
-He knows which faith challenges to present to us so that we can learn and build our faith for future use (for us and others).
-If we begin to look at each difficulty as an opportunity designed by God specifically for the purpose of increasing our faith, this will help us see beyond the current drama enabling us to look positively toward the future.

Now I can sit here and wax lyrical until I’m blue in the face, but we all know that facing life’s challenges can be excruciatingly difficult. Hindsight is always 20/20, but what I’m trying to learn is to develop better vision while facing a problem so that I can get the most out of the opportunity. I’m trying to get to the point where I don’t even blink, and can stare difficulties in the face with faith corrected vision.

I have to keep on reminding myself though, faith is a journey, and I’m confident that one day, I will reach my destination…

Adults-in-Training where are you in your spiritual/faith/religious walk? How do you feel about going through this process and where it is leading? How has facing life’s problems grown and/or changed your life?

Peace,
A-i-T