The title of this post does not mean that A-i-T has gone rogue and abandoned his senses or his wife, but was chosen because it nicely captures what seems to be a growing trend of infidelity in society these days. The title comes from a line spit by Jay-Z on Mya's only memorable song "Best of Me." Infidelity is nothing new but it seems to be rampant these days. Part of this observation is based on the numerous scandals within our recent collective memory among celebrities and other public figures, but another part of the inspiration for this post is much more personal...
A good friend of mine was recently cheated on by his fiancee (yes, women cheat too, they just get caught less often) and it pierced me to my core to hear his story. The worst part about the whole situation is that his fiancee's partner in crime was A MARRIED MAN!!! A few days after hearing his story, I was watching TV and around 12:30am, when a commercial came on for a dating website I had never heard of called, AshleyMadison.com. (Check out the video at the bottom of this post). This website bills itself as, "The World's Premiere Discreet Dating Service," and it's slogan is, "Life is short, have an affair."
For Surrious?!?!
I felt sick, outraged, and momentarily dumbstruck, after this commercial was over, and then I remembered that I was in America, where almost anything is possible. A-i-T is not naive enough to think that married, engaged, and dating adults were not already using match.com, e-harmony or other "singles dating" websites to help them violate their vows or relationship commitments, but to see a website 100% dedicated to facilitating adultery...it just blew my mind! I apologize if I'm late on this since the site's CEO has been on a bunch of daytime talk shows (like The View) but I couldn't keep my fingers off the keyboard...
I felt sick, outraged, and momentarily dumbstruck, after this commercial was over, and then I remembered that I was in America, where almost anything is possible. A-i-T is not naive enough to think that married, engaged, and dating adults were not already using match.com, e-harmony or other "singles dating" websites to help them violate their vows or relationship commitments, but to see a website 100% dedicated to facilitating adultery...it just blew my mind! I apologize if I'm late on this since the site's CEO has been on a bunch of daytime talk shows (like The View) but I couldn't keep my fingers off the keyboard...
We all know that the divorce rate in the US hovers around 50%, and sites like AshleyMadison are going to help drive up that statistic, but there are so many other influences. What is it about today's culture that seems to make infidelity appear not only more prevalent, but almost forgivable, or seen as a minor offense? While politicians effectively dig their own grave when they are caught in an affair, celebrities of screen and sport seem to rise from the ashes like the phoenix if they apologize well and often enough, and then release a good movie (hello Brad Pitt & Jude Law) or win a championship (what up Kobe). How quickly do we forgive and forget their "transgressions" and moral failings once they begin entertaining us again? Let's see how long our memory is once Tiger wins another golf tournament. This is obviously not the case for the average John or Jane Cheater, but society doesn't tell them otherwise...
To me, cheating epitomizes some of the worst aspects of human nature. It's an act whose ultimate purpose is to satisfy some unmet need of the actor, with complete disregard for their gf/bf/spouse/partner, whatever. It is immature, spiteful, and completely selfish/self-serving...but can it be seen as a reflection of the society we currently live in? Our world is the instant gratification of the "Buy Now" option on retail websites and the swiping of credit cards. It's the personal electronic devices from mp3 players to laptops that we matrix -- I mean plug ourselves into that connect yet at the same time allow us to get lost in our own world of personal entertainment. Everything these days seems to be geared toward the individual...but what about the collective? What happened to family, friends, and significant others?
Think about the 2-5yr-old that has just learned the meaning of the words, "NO," and "MINE." And the phrase "BUT I WANT IT NOW!." Now picture the contexts they would use those words in. Now think about a grown adult stepping out on their gf/bf/spouse/partner, with their years of growth and intelligence. Jay-Z was right...having an affair is mos def an adult decision, but this A-i-T would argue that underneath it all are some pretty selfish, child-like impulses...
Marriage is a beautiful thing, but ultimately it's about making sacrifices and putting the needs of the other person you love first. True Love = Willing, Daily Self-Sacrifice. If you have not yet arrived in a place in your life where you are ready, willing, and able to do that, then if you were truly acting like an evolved A-i-T, you wouldn't have gotten married, and wouldn't need to have an affair in the first place...
Adults-in-Training, is AshleyMadison.com the sign of a society that increasingly accepts cheating?
Peace,
A-i-T
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6 comments:
It's a sad truth, but infidelity is a growing trend in the urban community. Especially in the 25-33 age demographic, the value of relationships is on a steady decline and the ratio of singles to married individuals is getting worse. This reminds me of a controversal billboard that a lawfirm put up in downtown Chicago that read "Life is short-- get a divorce." The longevity of marriage is also suffering these days. The absence of many successful marriages makes a lot of couples hesitate to take that jump across the broom.
Great site Nii! Finally got around to checking it out. Keep up the good work!
I hear you Simone, relationships just don't seem built to last of late. It's almost like society is developing some sort of relationship ADD/commitment phobia -- it's scary. I feel like people have forgotten that relationships take work and when things get hard, they opt to jump ship rather than work things out. When does the ship-jumping stop though? When/how do you learn to put in the work? It takes practice and effort. That billboard sounds like they have the same advertising agency as AshleyMadison. There needs to be a sea change where marriage isn't looked upon like a doomed adventure...I think you're right that couples hesistate. But nothing will change unless people continue to get married and WORK IT OUT! The end product is beautiful...
And thanks so much for the love Simone...much appreciated! I will keep writing as long as you keep reading!
I agree that marriage is just not as meaningful as it used to be. For some (maybe most, but I think not), it is just a glorified relationship. I do not agree that infidelity is necessarily more rampant, per capita , than it was in the past (My use of 'past' is purposefully general here).
I feel like the divorce rates in the States are higher than countries like Ghana, for example, because, among many other reasons, there is much less of a stigma associated with being a divorced member of society. I can't help but think that divorce rates would be a lot closer if we controlled for say women's rights (this would have to be some abstract measure, like perception, as opposed to like voting rights; do you know if there are indices out there that measure this sort of thing? Oh that's right, I could just google this) or summat or the other. I forget where I was going with this.
hmmm very interesting. I agree with the 'I want it all, I want it now' attitude being key to people opting for affairs ... It is as if if I feel like it, I should do it ... the consequences will be faced later but for now let me enjoy myself, gratify my flesh. It is a pity some of us think like that ... Got me thinking about myself.
I've heard arguments that the US divorce rate is higher than others because, like Simone said, it is more acceptable here. While I don't doubt there's some truth to that factor, I personally feel there's bigger issues in American society today that promote this unacceptable, despicable behavior. In promotion of freedom of choice, there is a neglect/oversight? in also teaching responsibility, commitment, and discipline. Just look at stores in America, everywhere is the "buy now, return later" motto. It's as if our country is telling us we can change our mind anytime; from something as small as a pair of socks to large furniture items. And change our minds w/o consequence! Scary... Furthermore, it seems another major issue is this fervent cultural promotion of "finding true love"... there's lots of talks about chemistry, emotion, connection... and those being the ultimate and all. Just look at the disturbing success of a vapid storyline like the Twilight movies! As I'm journeying my A-I-T (as you would put it) roads, I've come to discover that the critical flaw lies with the fact that we're taught to seek those emotional factors but are rarely ever taught all the other important ones (like you mentioned) that make it a solid marriage and not just a satisfying affair.
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