Sometimes You Just Gotta Push Through...

 "Sky is the limit and you know that you keep on/ Just keep on pressin' on/ Sky is the limit and you know that you can have what you want, be what you want, have what you want, be what you want..." ~Chorus from Notorious B.I.G.'s - "Sky's The Limit" (F. 112)

2010 has been an interesting and tough year, to say the least. Putting aside the natural disasters, the global economic crisis, and the most recent man-made environmental disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, on a more personal level, many people I know are going through some hard times -- shoot, I'm dealing with some stuff right now as I write this post. Life is full of ups and downs - that's nothing new - but for us A-i-T's, meeting the challenges that come with becoming grown folk (GF), well, these are novel as we haven't quite reached GF status just yet...There is something about this year that makes me feel as if many of us are facing those situations in life, those rights of passage that will eventually get us to GF status. The question is, how do we successfully pass through these trials, tribulations, and the sometimes just pure unnecessary drama, and come out on the other side as more fully formed A-i-T's? 

Recently, I must confess that I have caught myself looking at teens and even younger children with a slight degree of envy, thinking about how uncomplicated their lives are, and how relatively less complicated my own life was even just five years ago. We A-i-T's are now more than a few years removed from college, some of us are in our second or even third job, not having quite found the right fit. In recent times, some of us are between jobs -- and I say that on purpose to keep the faith that the next job is out there for you and I. Some of us (like me) are in grad school (whether by circumstance or by choice), trying to make affirmative moves toward starting or advancing a career -- but no matter where we find ourselves, we seem to be facing unprecedented personal challenges. Whether it's the death of loved ones, personal or familial health problems, foreclosure and other housing issues, financial troubles, or being hit by some intelligent driver in the parking lot, someone you or I know is going through it. What heartens and encourages me is that despite and in spite of  these circumstances, A-i-T's are keeping on...

In the midst of crisis, we all seek escape. I that sometimes I just want to go to sleep and be woken up once all the drama is over, but despite how hard things can get, if life was easy, it ultimately wouldn't be worth it. Why is it that we don't trust people who haven't been through anything? As the picture for this post says, "Life is a Beautiful Struggle." Without pain, we would not appreciate pleasure. Without sadness, joy would be that much less sweet, and without struggle, we would not revel in the times when life is flowing smoothly. The beauty lies, not in the easy times, but in what emerges from the tough ones...one place I look for inspiration and hope when I feel like the protagonist in a Greek tragedy, is my faith...

There is some great wisdom in this book called The BIBLE (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth ~ GZA - "B.I.B.L.E.) -- and in times like these I look to James 1:2-4

"(2) Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, (3) because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. (4) Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Whether or not you are Christian, the wisdom of these words is undeniable. Trials suck, there is no disputing that, but what you gain from passing through in terms of growth in mind and character is priceless. It's been a funky year for me and many others, but despite it all, sometimes you just gotta push through...as it's all part of the journey toward GF status. I did not write this post to provide solutions or resolutions, but to encourage my fellow A-i-Ts in facing whatever challenges they might be encountering.

"Stay far from timid/ Only make moves when ya heart's in it/ And live the phrase Sky's The Limit..." ~Notorious B.I.G. - "Sky's The Limit"

Peace,

A-i-T

A-i-T's Letter to His Unborn Daughter

To Zoë...
I loved you even before you were a reality
Your mother is the only other thing in this world as important to me
Know that you are a gift to us from God, and we are so blessed to have you
He is your Heavenly Father and I am him on earth
I will do everything in my power to protect you and your mother and will not allow a single hair on your heads to be harmed
I will let you know that you are loved everyday and that I will be there for you always
You will be daddy's little girl, and I can already feel myself melting when you look into my eyes
Know that the only other person in the world who can also do this to me is your mother
You will be my pride and my joy and I will celebrate you as I celebrate your mother
I will show you what a good husband and father is, so that when it comes time, you will find one for yourself and accept no substitutes
I will teach you that you are valuable because you are God's child, and you are loved and redeemed from day one, and no one should tell you differently
You will learn that you are capable of anything you set your mind and your heart to, and if you do all things prayerfully and for the glory of God, you shall be greatly blessed
I will always be proud of you and I will always be your biggest fan
I loved you Zoë, even before you were a reality...

By A-i-T

*P.S.: My wife and I are NOT expecting. I wrote this a while ago after seeing a movie, which resulted in a conversation about the incredible importance of fathers in girls' lives. I felt it would be a nice follow-up to my last post. I will definitely let y'all know when I'm about to become a father (5-year plan don't fail me now!)*

Who Am I and What Did I Do...?

On my way to visit a friend the other night, I passed by a group of about 20 people setting up to sleep outside for the night on the sidewalk in front of a store. No tents, no sleeping bags, many didn’t even have the typical woven sleeping mat – their bed was the cold, hard concrete and the cloth they wrapped themselves in. Here am I driving in a car that I didn’t buy, with food in my stomach that I didn’t cook, and a roof over my head I will be returning to that I don’t rent or own but can live in as if it were my own. As these thoughts paraded through my mind, I thought to myself – “Who am I and what did I do to deserve the life that I currently lead?”

I recently finished reading the latest Malcolm Gladwell book, “Outliers.” This book helped put into sharp perspective for me that a lot of the comfort, achievement, and success, that I (and many of us) enjoy today came not as a result of anything that I did, but a combination of blessing (some say luck/fate) and the work of those that came before me. A lot of who I am and what I have today came as a result of being born into it – the work contributed on my part? In the grand scheme, virtually a drop in the bucket. But this is not to say that I haven’t worked hard -- little drops of water makes a mighty ocean – all of us are contributors at our own level.

The book talks about how inherent advantages, life chances, etc. can cause two people with the same capabilities to have completely divergent life outcomes. It explores random factors such as being born during a certain part of the year, coming of age during a particular time-span in history, having chance access to a new technology, etc.. These seemingly innocuous factors can contribute, purely by chance, to a skyrocketing trajectory for some, and a merry-go-round ride for others.

As many of you know, I come from Ghana. We are a nation with great potential which we are steadily working toward, but one thing we still struggle with is the creation of a true middle-class. Right now, to be frank, you either have or you don’t. This is a story that is true around the world – there may be more money in industrialized nations, but the income inequality can be just as stark. I remember my father sitting me down one day and telling me outright; “You are lucky. The fact that you can wake up and get in a car [albeit a nice one] puts you in a different position that a vast majority of people in this country [Ghana], and in this world.” How do you react to that?

This piece is not meant to be a guilt-ridden confession or change manifesto, of an advantaged, college educated, middle-class man. It is rather a wake-up call to remind myself not to get lulled into a state of self-satisfied smugness where I rest on laurels that I only partially earned. I was born to two highly educated parents, who in their own right have achieved quite a bit. They both come from a stock of education and achievement that afforded them their life chances and a somewhat predetermined path to success. I’ve been to good schools and was EXPECTED to go to college. I was even EXPECTED to attend grad school. And here I now find myself traveling an already well worn path, which my progeny will undoubtedly walk as well.

I count myself as blessed, and the trick is to remember it as I go about my day-to-day life…thankfulness and humility go a long way...

Adults-in-Training, we all come from different backgrounds and have taken different paths to where we are today, but do you recognize the blessings/luck/advantages in your life?

Peace,
A-i-T

Faith is a Journey

As part of being an Adult-in-Training, I believe that we all deal with the question of spirituality/faith/religion on our respective paths toward being full-fledged grown folk. We run the gambit from being staunch atheists to being so “saved” that we must pray over using a “Dirt Devil” vacuum cleaner! No matter where you are on this continuum, exploring or evangelizing, seeking or sanctified, I think that it is important to remember that faith is a journey. Often, the trappings and ceremonies of religion can be an obstacle we must get around in order to reach our final destination.

I personally have always believed in God, but it was not until about four years ago did I begin to actively/consciously attempt to learn about Him and read His Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (“B.I.B.L.E”. – by GZA of the Wu-Tang Clan). In 2009, I can claim a stronger belief in God, increased faith, and feeling a genuine pull to improve myself and uplift those around me in the “love thy neighbor” kinda way. Nevertheless, reaching where I am today has not been easy, and I still face some challenges/questions concerning the growth of my personal faith.

Those of you who know me well, know that I’ve been through a few things in the past three years. My wife and I have most definitely been through some things during that time. In my 26 years on this planet, the last few have by far been the most difficult, though at the same time some truly great things have happened. Now, this is not to ask for sympathy or condolences, but to say to you and even to remind myself that, I AM STILL HERE!

Those situations were neither the end of the world nor the end of me. I got through them, learned from them (some lessons stuck better than others), and for the most part, I can confidently say that I am a better person for having gone through those situations. Whether you believe in a higher power or not, I think we can all agree that life’s struggles tend to build character. Some say not to trust anybody who’s never had to struggle. For me, being able to believe in something bigger than myself was a major factor in weathering life’s inevitable storms. I have also been working to break out of the finite thinking, which a lot of us can get trapped in – not allowing ourselves to see beyond the problems staring us in the face. The bigger picture is always so much more revealing…

I read a great devotional on the In Touch Ministries website this morning called, Preparation for Greater Service, which inspired this post. The main takeaways for me were as follows:

-God takes whatever faith we bring to the table and helps us grow it.
-He knows which faith challenges to present to us so that we can learn and build our faith for future use (for us and others).
-If we begin to look at each difficulty as an opportunity designed by God specifically for the purpose of increasing our faith, this will help us see beyond the current drama enabling us to look positively toward the future.

Now I can sit here and wax lyrical until I’m blue in the face, but we all know that facing life’s challenges can be excruciatingly difficult. Hindsight is always 20/20, but what I’m trying to learn is to develop better vision while facing a problem so that I can get the most out of the opportunity. I’m trying to get to the point where I don’t even blink, and can stare difficulties in the face with faith corrected vision.

I have to keep on reminding myself though, faith is a journey, and I’m confident that one day, I will reach my destination…

Adults-in-Training where are you in your spiritual/faith/religious walk? How do you feel about going through this process and where it is leading? How has facing life’s problems grown and/or changed your life?

Peace,
A-i-T

Guest Post: Why We Need God Now More Than Ever

Written by Mrs. A-i-T:

This is a weird night for me. It’s 3:02AM as I write this, and I’m more awake now than I was about 45mins ago because I have these images in my mind. You see I just finished watching this documentary called, “Very Young Girls” on Showtime. This documentary aired months ago but I missed it for some reason (probably a good one) because I remember making a mental note to watch it. As I changed the channel, because I didn’t want to watch the Sex and the City movie on HBO for the umpteenth time ;-) the familiar title caught my attention and I began to watch…

Shaneiqua: I got into the life when I was 12 years old. I was still in middle school at the time. Ebony: I was 13; Martha: I was 14; Carolina: 16; Dominique: 13 1/2, going on 14; Kim: I started at the age of 13, and the sexploitation is like, at the age 13, what choices do I have?

As the documentary took me through the lives of Dominique, Carolina, Ebony, and many other girls, all I could do was cry because my heart broke with every story. These young women, even though repeatedly arrested for prostitution, were victims of kidnapping, abduction, rape and sex slavery. Many of them, with the help of the organization the documentary focused on, Girls Education & Mentoring Services (G.E.M.S), made it out of “The Life,” as they called it, and become thriving young women who used their experiences to help others or just went on to live normal lives. Dominique got married and got a job with G.E.M.S. Others like Ebony, stricken with the shame and guilt from “The Life” and brainwashed with the illusion of a love relationship between themselves and their pimps – well, they required a little more work.

But why am I telling you this? I could go off on the judicial system: a mother whose daughter had been reported missing for two months was sent home by the police to return another day, even though she had approached them with a tip about her daughter being seen with a pimp in a house with other girls; and on the sick, sick people out there who put these young children in these situations. But I will not. Neither will I want you to pity these girls – because I personally admire them. As of right now, I am not half not even 1/8 as strong as they are. Some of them convicted me on all the things I complain about. Can you imagine continuing to live even when you feel like the best thing that could happen to you is death? No, I can’t – I would not continue to live my life – I may have given up. So no, this is not about feeling sorry for these young women.

Then as I continued to watch I noticed that for the founder of G.E.M.S (a former victim) and the girls who survived then thrived, a belief in God was fundamental. At the end of the documentary, Dominique sang:

"I will sing Your praise; for You've done such a marvelous thingfor someone so wretched; yet my soul You have redeemed. No one else could do it; no one could care half as much; yet You thought my soul was worth it; so You gave Your only Son. You gave that I might live. You gave that I might be set free. Exchanged Your life for mine,what a marvelous thing You've done."

http://www.imeem.com/sistasoul1/music/_ZmjiQsI/walter-hawkins-marvelous/

I couldn’t believe it! Was she singing those words with all she had been through? Why wasn’t she blaming God for her troubled past like most people and denouncing Him? I have to say I was stunned. But it makes sense to me, you see the presence of God and the reality of the existence of a God is not equal to the absence of evil. Dominique knew that she was where she was today because something bigger than herself had gotten her there – she chose to believe that something was God.

There are two sides on the scale of good and evil, which means that in OUR world TODAY where a 40 year old man can beat a 14 year old girl close to death and leave her for dead, we have to tip the scale in the other direction. Dominique understands that God used people to tip the scale in her favor, so she gives Him the credit, but what about the rest of us? People do still do good without God – but since God is the source of ALL GOOD, and it is not out of obligation or moral superiority that people do good, there must exist of a Spirit of good which comes from a Source and a Force of Good.

In OUR world there are grown men who rape 5 year olds (as seen on Oprah), WE must tip the scale and increase the presence and the magnitude of the Spirit of God and Good. We must “be renewed by the transformation of our minds” because we have failed as a people without the Source. In a world where a mother allegedly drives drunk and high with her child and three nieces, we have failed to heal our own wounds. We have failed to fill the hole that needs to be filled by something fundamentally life-giving. We have failed to “love thy neighbor as thy self,” because we continue to kill and slight each other.

How does God love us? Unconditionally! When was the last time you loved unconditionally? Yet, He calls us to love one another as He loves us. We have failed to trust, we have failed to be honest in all aspects of our lives. WE ARE FAILING. YOU might be doing alright but ask Ebony, Dominique, Kim and the other girls and I bet they’d tell you life would be much better for them if their pimps lived by the Spirit of the law of God i.e. the heart of the message of the Bible -- LOVE.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God and everyone that loves is born of God and knows God. He that loves not, knows not God, for God IS love.” (1 John 4:7-8)

Isn’t it that simple...?