Where Are The Men In Helping Professions?

In the days leading up to Father's Day in 2009, President Obama reminded men everywhere that their responsibilities do not end with conception. Paraphrasing, he went on to say that the measure of a man is not his ability to create a child, but having the courage to raise one. It is clear that the absence of the male presence in the home is endemic in the US, and has a serious impact on the upbringing of children. Given my current surroundings, I wonder if the lack of men in the helping professions (social work, counseling/ therapy, teaching, etc.) is having a similar impact on youth and wider society in this mission field?

I currently attend Teachers College (Columbia University) where I am pursuing a Masters in Mental Health Counseling. Focusing on my specific program, I am one of approximately twelve men in a cohort of over 100 students! What's even crazier is that due to the recent recession driven return to grad school, I learned that my program has two or three times as many men as normal! This means that under normal circumstances I would be one of maybe 3-5 men total in my entire program. Taking an institutional view, the current figures reveal a gender (im)balance in of 76.8% female to 23.2% male in a student body of 5,388. This effectively means that a miniscule 1 in 4 students is male. This may be the accepted status quo, but to me, it poses a problem. We all know that the helping professions have traditionally been dominated by women -- the underlying issue being socialization around gender and gender stereotyped career paths. Unfortunately outside of 75%-25% ratio at institutions like TC, the world that helping professionals (HPs) serve is basically split 50-50. How well can HPs fully address the needs of clients without close to matching representation?

Follow me for a moment: I was at the beach recently with my wife and another couple. As we observed some very engaged fathers playing with their young children, our discussion turned to whether it is better to be raised by a single mother versus father. After clearing the initial hurdle of the different needs of girls/boys, we agreed that many of the problems faced in adolescence and adulthood relate back to absent fathers. The term "daddy issues" pervades pop-culture as a somewhat sarcastic but truth-containing label, often placed on women who can't seem to be in "healthy" relationships, or the out of control teenage boys (stereotypical examples, I know). The term "mommy issues" hasn't quite caught on - partially because mothers rarely forsake their children, in addition to the the tangible differences in impact of each parent on a child's development. As mentioned in a previous post (Daddy Issues Recognizing the...) no matter how great a mother is, she cannot MODEL for her son what it means to be a good man. She also cannot MODEL for her daughter how she should expect and demand to be treated by men and what an example of a good husband/father looks like - this latter point applies to both. The operative word here is MODEL. Bringing the conversation back to the helping profession, the same issue applies, given the tangibly differential impacts between male versus female HPs on clients -- based on this ability to model...

Let's not get it twisted, this is not about one sex/gender being superior the other within the helping field. Predicated upon the goal of meeting the needs of the population, shouldn't HPs ideally be as diverse as the communities they serve, be it by race, ethnicity or gender? There are certain ways that a male social worker or therapist might be able to connect with a troubled teenage boy and show him how to better channel his aggression etc., that may not be accessible to a female counterpart. A teenage girl who has often suffered in her relationships with the male figures in her life might benefit from experiencing a healthy male/female relationship with her male case manager. With the predominance of women in the field, these opportunities are simply being lost, and it is the clients who suffer. Ultimately, this discussion is a recognition that men are needed to step up not only as fathers, but also to fill the ranks in a professional area that is critical within society. 

Fellow A-i-Ts, do you work as a HP and do you also see this trend? Do you agree/disagree that more men are needed? Let me hear your thoughts. 

Peace,
A-i-T

Sidewalk Casanova

I've said this over and over again, but dang, it's hard being a woman! (speaking from personal experience, of course) From NY to Paris and elsewhere, from the streets to the boardroom, women are constantly being approached by men (young and old), unsolicited -- who misguidedly think they are performing a public service by reminding women how good they look, just in case they somehow forgot that day. Frankly, I don't know how y'all put up with it and some of us men sometimes. It's embarrassing, and occasionally it crosses the line, but I gotta admit, sometimes its just funny to watch.

I was walking down the street this morning, and in classic fashion, another Sidewalk Casanova spots a woman who peaks his interest. He stops dead in his tracks, swivels his head like a sweeping surveillance camera, and with the seriousness of a judge delivering a sentence says something earth shattering like, "Hey ma, you look beautiful, can I talk to you for a minute?!" As if this brilliant, one-time-use observation automatically merits him some face time during this woman's day. What kills me sometimes is how bold these men are and the "righteous" indignation they show when the woman rebuffs their ever so well thought out, sincere, and earnest supplications for the woman's attention.

I'll never forget my wife telling me about her and her friends' misadventures with various Sidewalk Casanovas. One of my favorites involves the 4-year old son of a would-be SC who told my wife's friend, "you beautiful!" while his father was hitting on her. Apparently, it was take your son to work day, and Street Don Juan Jr. was shadowing his father at the office. Apparently, Fisher Price has a, "My First Pick-up Line," division I was unaware of. Another one of my favorites just illustrates how nothing is sacred anymore and Street Casanovas will stop at nothing to get the math that adds up to a phone conversation with a woman in the near future. A kid, no older than 17 was hitting on my wife with the typical lines, when she told him that she had a man. Unfortunately, Positive K's 1992 classic, "I Got a Man" helped Street Casanovas everywhere to reply "What's your man got to do with me?! I ain't tryin'a hear that see!" So homeboy persisted, until she finally told him that she was married (we were engaged at the time). He paused, momentarily defeated, and then with the audacity of a streaker at a sporting event he said, "yeah, but are you happy?"

WHAT!!! ARE YOU FOR SURRIOUS?!?! Yeap...as Sarah Palin on oil drilling!

I fell on the floor laughing, but this incident was kinda scary cos...is truly nothing sacred anymore? Not even marriage seems to be off limits (Check out my previous post: Have an Affair...)? Undoubtedly the nature of male-female relationships has been evolving or devolving depending on your perspective, but into what? Seemingly gone are the days of serious courtship, "going steady," etc. replaced by the current era of friends with benefits, the overall hook-up culture, and websites like adultfriendfinder and cougarlife.com (fodder for future blog posts - the radio commercial for the latter is hilariously disturbing). The issue lies on both sides. On one hand, men need to come correct and approach women with the respect they deserve. On the other, you ladies need to search out and sternly lecture that one girl who was like, "OMG, I loved your pick-up line! Here's my actual phone number, call me!" Cos with men, all it takes is that one girl to inspire hope that it can/will happen again - y'all know Darrel right?

Call me old-fashioned, but when did it become okay to disrespect women with sophomoric come-ons that just add more C02 to the endangered atmosphere each time a Street Casanova opens his mouth? This summer is hot enough already, we don't need any more greenhouse gasses making things worse.

At the end of the day, the most interesting man in the world put it best -- see the video below...

A-i-T Ladies, what is the most comically memorable Street Cassanova encounter you have had? Men, has a woman so fine ever brought out your inner Street Cassanova?

Peace,

A-i-T

The Gift & The Curse

We all know the saying, "With power comes great responsibility," but what is the companion to awareness? Grassroots movements, political campaigns, and corporations all rely on the concept of awareness/awareness raising, in order to advance their agendas. This is a logical and sometimes noble aim, but often, awareness without action is fundamentally useless. It's like standing at an ATM trying to take out money when you have $19.95 in your account -- ain't nuthin' gonna happen! (credit to a forgotten comedian for this image). Awareness is supposed to be empowering whether it's in mental health, education, or public policy. It should be the spark before the flame, or the realization that causes revolution. Awareness needs something backing it up, otherwise it is rendered life-less rather than life-giving. Now, let's have some fun with a tautology: 

Premise: Knowledge = Power = Responsibility

IF: knowledge is power

AND: awareness is tantamount to knowledge 

THEN: awareness is power 

THEREFORE: Awareness = Responsibility 

If you are aware of something and do nothing, you might as well be oblivious because your awareness has done nothing to affect your actions. In this age of information overload, there is too much going on in the world that we are aware of, to sit by idly doing nothing. I am now finding that I can no longer exist like this. Through my experiences thus far as a counselor-in-training (C-i-T) and just generally becoming a more conscious A-i-T, my awareness of the world around me, my own thoughts/feelings/reactions to it, and even a heightened sensitivity to what is going on with others is really opening my eyes to how myopic my vision was before. Though I am an African man who has spent the majority of his life on foreign soil, through my classes and readings I am now more aware of the impact of race/racism, heterosexism, and even the invisible male privilege I carry around. I am more aware of the many "marginal" identity badges that people wear in this society and the plethora of "isms" that ride alongside. I am also becoming more aware of how critical social justice is within this and any society. As a result, I now see how many cracks there are in the image of what could be an immaculate society if we only took action to make it so. 

"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men/women to do nothing"   

This awareness is a gift...I can see, understand, and experience more than I ever could before. It's like Neo in The Matrix proclaiming, "I know Kung-fu!" At the same time, I feel cursed...because I can't turn it off! Everywhere I go, and with everything I see and do, there is now a heightened level of awareness. I find myself, asking myself what is the deeper meaning, and how does it affect me/others? It's like having a computer program running in my mind's recesses 24/7, but with constant pop-ups when it detects something. What in the world do I do with this?!?! Do I rage against the machine, or simply was poetic on my blog and call it a day? 

Why not both? My future profession calls me to advocate for my clients, and on a higher level, for social justice. My faith and my humanity compel me on an even deeper level to do the same. In the past, I have shied away from being vocal when I encountered certain situations in public and even from approaching certain topics on my blog. Today is a new day, and the difference I can make is a large or as small as my sphere of influence. This blog falls within those bounds. From now on, I hope this blog can support those hard but necessary conversations, because they are part and parcel of what it means for us to be A-i-T's trying to get our grown folk on. I hope to use the power of this blog (whatever that might be) to responsibly turn awareness into action through the sharing of knowledge and diverse perspectives. 

The gift and the curse...well, that all depends on what we do with it... 

Fellow A-i-T's, what are you doing or going to do with your gifts? 

Peace,

A-i-T

Broken but Strong

It's been an interesting journey thus far as a counselor-in-training. This summer was emotionally intense in a way I could never have anticipated - yes, I said, "emotionally intense." I cried a couple times [*cough* - what?] I took an individual counseling skills class plus a group counseling class, in which we the students, also doubled as clients/group members. This means that instead of role-playing different scenarios, we actually bring in real issues from our lives, to give us real material to work with, that we might encounter in a real therapy session. Are you noticing the trend here? Basically, things got REALLY REAL, with anxiety, tears, and fears flying everywhere because life provokes those feelings sometimes. In swimming through all those stories and related emotions, it is easy to feel sad, depressed, angry, etc., which I felt at times, but ultimately I came out on the other side marveling at the strength of the human spirit. 

We currently live in a society, in the US especially, that seems to be doing everything it can to not feel. It is as if we are on a mission to rid ourselves of any emotion in what I'd like to call the "blind pursuit of happiness," which seems to mean a life devoid of any other emotions. If you are down take an upper, if you are up take a downer, if you can't get it up take Viagra, if your kid won't simmer down give him/her Ritalin, and all for what? This is not to rail against medication, because it does serve a purpose when used properly, but we live in a pill-popping, instant-fix, on-demand society where your emotional and other troubles are a doctor's prescription away from resolution. What ever happened to going through stuff and coming out on the other side a stronger, better, faster you? 

Through this process of becoming a "counselor," I have learned a lot about myself, one thing being that I intellectualize my emotions. I reason them away, which probably means I have never really felt their full depth and intensity. This A-i-T is supposed to have his business together and appear cool, calm, and collected at all times. A-i-T's cracks could not show, and that took more work than I ever realized. Any of you ever been there? All that stress and pressure on myself to keep it together, really only resulted in more stress and pressure. I had spent so much time trying not to feel, that I forgot how necessary it is to just feel sometimes. Society tells us that we are weak when we cry - whether you are a man or a woman - yet through recent experiences, I learned the opposite to be true: Sometimes we are the strongest when we are able to cry...when we are able to sit through and deal with our emotions directly.

In A-i-T's humble opinion, in our self-medicating society, alcohol, pill-popping, sex, and other pursuits are mere distractions, with temporary results at best. Facing our emotions, now that's the real challenge. Life can be as hard as it is beautiful, and many of us are facing/will face health issues, death in our families, financial difficulties, heartbreak, etc. Yet, somehow, we manage to keep on going. In my program, I am surrounded by individuals who are going through stuff, and yet they manage to work, maintain relationships, family obligations, balancing their personal life with the demanding life of master's level work, all in the pursuit of becoming a "wounded healer" (credit to Maria for that term).

My ethics professor said it best, "If you don't think you have any issues, that's your issue!"  

What I am seeing, through my classmates, friends, and even in my own life, is that though we are all broken in some way, we are still strong. This may sound biblical to some, and I am not shy to say that's part of my worldview, but it's also just keeping it true. We are all much stronger than we think we are, we just need to give ourselves permission to be broken, and to cry a little if/when necessary... 

Fellow Adults-in-Training, in what areas of your life do you feel broken but strong? When was the last time you allowed yourself a good cry? 

Peace,

A-i-T