What is (Age) Appropriate Dresscode? Part 2: For the Fellas...

I recently received an email from a close friend of mine after he read my post on dress code for the 25+ set (What is (Age) Appropriate Dress Code?), and he made some great comments/statements which I thought I'd share and attempt to respond to: 

"Seriously, what is the appropriate dress code for 26-somethings??? When I'm not working, I never know what to wear anymore. Also, how much should I be looking to spend to overhaul my closet?  I don't have the luxury of a woman's touch in my household..." 

For those guys out there who don't have a girlfriend/fiancee/wife editing your closet and using you like a life-size Ken doll, upgrading your style/overhauling your closet can certainly be a challenge. Though my wife has been a great help, I'm still tryin' to figure this stuff out for myself...because at the end of the day, it's got to be my comfort and my style.

Fortunately or unfortunately, for us men, our clothing choices are somewhat limited. When we go to work, it's either a suit and tie or whatever degree of "business casual" your office operates by. The toughest decision we have to make is what color shirt to wear and to make sure our belt matches our shoes -- some of us don't even get that far. What then do we do for the approximately 54 hours (Friday - Sunday) where we actually get to choose our look?!?! 

Disclaimer: I am not a fashion expert by any means. I am not necessarily up on the latest trends, but I do try to pay attention. I am mos def NOT a label chaser. What I am is a guy who does his best to look neat (I iron a lot, my wife/friends will tell you), and I never wear anything that doesn't work/complement my body type. In this piece I'm not going to tell you what to wear, but rather, how to...  

Figure out "what you want to look like:"

-Pick a style icon/trend that you can identify with -- in other words, find some inspiration. This icon can be anything from your favorite male celebrity to that guy at your office or favorite hang out spot that always looks sharp. I'm not advocating biting anyone's style, but I am saying to take notes.

-Check out your favorite men's magazine (both print and online) such as GQ, Men's Health, Esquire, or Ecko's Complex magazines for fashion ideas, tips, and current trends to help get a sense of what's out there. You can't create your new style if you don't know what your options are...

Start assembling your look by buying "pieces" NOT outfits:

-Once you identify what you like and you think will look good on you, go out and start trying and buying pieces here and there. This will allow you to gradually transform your overall look. Sometimes all it takes is a nice fall jacket, a great watch, a fresh pair of kicks, or even finding a store where clothes just fit better in order to transform your whole appearance...

-The idea is to be able to mix and match. If you go out and buy a full OUTFIT...it's hard to take one piece Out Of It and wear it with something else...

-Right now more tailored shirts and slimmer fitting jeans are in. For most guys with an average to athletic build, a well tailored shirt and less baggy jeans will give you a leaner and cleaner cut look. For slightly shorter guys like myself (5ft.7), this look even helps you look a little taller... 

Shop within your budget and don't sleep on discount retailers:

-Don't go and break the bank to upgrade your style. Fly + Broke = Not a Good Look

-For me, Express and H&M have been invaluable in helping me change/upgrade my style without spending too much...the styles are fresh and always reflect the latest trends without high fashion prices -- and the quality is pretty good.

-Don't forget about the Gap/Old Navy, Filene's Basement, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Loheman's, and other such stores. You're gonna have to dig...but if you go in knowing what you're looking for...when you find it, the price will make it all worth it...

Above all...have fun with it and don't try and follow trends blindly. Just cos it's hot right now does not mean it looks hot on you... 

I hope this was helpful...please let me know if you have any additional input or if I missed anything...

Peace,

A-i-T

Letters to A-i-T & Other Updates

Hey y'all,

In an effort to make this blog more interactive, I have made a few changes/updates:

1) Contact me: adultintraining12@gmail.com 

-I have created an email address where you can send questions, general comments about the blog, private comments, or share ideas for future blog post topics you'd like to see or even submit your own piece for publishing...basically this will be the best way for you to get in touch with me and give your input and feedback.

2) Get Adult-in-Training Updates: I have added subscription capability to my blog using RSS feeds. You can sign up to receive updates on Posts and/or Comments on this blog via the method of your choosing. Check out the second section on the right-hand panel of the page, "Get Adult-in-Training Updates!"

3) Comments (Leave Wun): I love to hear what you think/ feel about the posts on this blog. It's important for me to get your input/feedback -- it also lets me know that people are actually reading my blog ;-)

-To comment: 

1) Click the title of the blog and scroll past the article for the comment box OR
2) Click the "COMMENTS (LEAVE WUN) link found under the title. Once again scroll down for the comment box 

3) You can comment as yourself or anonymously...so let 'em fly!

4) Reactions Section: Immediately underneath each post there are a row of check boxes with some reactions that you can just click to just show your immediate reaction to your article. I thought this would be a fun little feature for y'all to use if you didn't feel like typing a full comment. Let me know if the categories need editing... 

Finally...if you like what you've been reading...Please show your support by clicking the "Follow" button and join as a "Public Member." You won't receive any emails unless you subscribe as described earlier. It's just a way of showing that you like my blog...nothing more, nothing less... 

Peace,

A-i-T

Poly-what? Polyamory...

I was watching MTV on Monday night to catch the replay of the VMAs and personally witness how Kanye West permanently cemented his status as the biggest egomaniac the entertainment world has ever seen (dang 'Ye, not a good look). Normally, I try to preserve brain cells by not watching too much MTV, but then an episode of True Life came on and you know how sometimes you just can't turn away from something? Well this was one of those times...enter MTV's True Life: I'm Polyamorous. 

~From Wikipedia

Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and free consent of everyone involved. 

Polyamorous - adjective 

This episode focused on two sets of polyamorous relationships, specifically one between three gay men, and another involving two "bi-curious" women and a man. In full disclosure, I must state that the concept/practice of polamory does not match my values. To me, anything that is not monogamy is cheating, swinging, or being a player/playette, none of which I agree with [and polyamory just sounds like a euphemism for those]. I do not take issue, however, with sexual orientation. This blog will never debate or discuss it beyond direct relevance to the topic at hand as this is not the appropriate forum.

This aside, what intrigued, confused, and stirred various other emotions in me was the fact that a person would willingly enter into a love triangle, when most would agree that these relationships tend to result in total "hot messness" -- usually because one participant is in the dark. The full disclosure that characterizes polyamory would seem to resolve the discovery/betrayal issue and allow all participants to gain fulfillment but how good can anyone really be about sharing someone they are intimate with?

As events unfolded in the show, it became very clear watching both relationships that one member got the best of both worlds by being the "central/dominant lover" of the two peripheral players. Eventually, one partner felt left out, leading them (in both cases) to bring in a fourth member in order to "balance the equation." Doesn't this totally contradict the premise of this supposed next level relationship style? If they have to revert back to pairing in order to be fully satisfied, doesn't that mean polyamory doesn't ultimately work?

Last time I checked, when it comes to love, "two's company, and three's a crowd." Following this logic, how does the math in polyamory add up, and where does it stop?

Maintaining one solid intimate relationship presents enough challenges for the average person. This said, how do you do better with more people in the mix? Are these relationships truly deep and intimate, or are they merely a convenient mechanism for people to mutually but selfishly satisfy a need for love and attention -- that ultimately we all seek? To me, the whole concept appears shallow and stems from a fear of commitment.

I wonder what is it about society and current relationship trends that has people so afraid of true and deep love -- leading some to pursue things like polyamory? Going back to my previous post about marriage (If It's Broke...Try to Fix It...) it would seem that the nature of relationships in general, whether married or dating have changed at some fundamental level. It appears some people are on a quest to to fill up some sort of hole within their life, and will pursue what seems to work for the moment, rather than seeking something more lasting.   

Adults-in-Training, what's your reaction to this concept of polyamory? Do you think it's okay to be intimate with more than one person if all parties know and agree? Had you heard of it before? What impact do you think it has on society/how people approach relationships? 

Peace,

A-i-T

Where Are All the Good Ones...?

Some of my boys have been actively wondering where all the intelligent, beautiful, down-to-earth women are hiding these days because they just can't seem to find any. I'm sure many of you ladies are also wondering the same thing about the fellas. Now, A-i-T is mos def not about to become a dating or matchmaking website (especially given my previous posts: The Game; Who Does Online Dating Work For?), but I wonder, how do we rectify this situation? How do we get quality people that we know and love to meet and allow what sparks may fly...to um...fly?

I like to think that my network of friends comprises an interesting, diverse, intelligent and eclectic group of amazing people. This is not to say that they should all start dating each other (a little incestuous), but I'm sure some great connections could be made, either directly, or could lead to some promising introductions. I just wonder what's preventing such great group of people from meeting other great people?

I get worried sometimes that some of my friends are starting to get jaded because of the current difficulty they are experiencing making the right connection. I think the worst part is that most of them aren't necessarily doing anything wrong. They are not one date wonders, they are not socially awkward, or pretending to be something they're not. Perhaps the answer is to just do what they are doing, but differently...? 

I read a great article in the August 2009 issue of Men's Health Magazine entitled, "She's Out There," (by Kyle Western) which I think dropped some great knowledge regarding the modern dating scene. It debunks the myth of the bar/club pick up (sorry fellas) and sheds some light on the places where people can truly meet and make a connection and how to get it done. Granted this article is written for an exclusively male audience, I believe it reveals some universal truths, which boil down to three things... 

Actively meet new people, go to new places, and try new things...it sounded to me like through enriching your own life and experiencing new things, new people will inevitably come your way...as new friends, acquaintances, and possibly the man/woman you've been waiting for may just happen to be in that record store in another neighborhood that you've never bothered checking out. This always seems "easier said than done," but have we become to busy, too preoccupied or even too comfortable to get out of our normal routine? 

The article cited a Northeastern University study tracking the movements of 100,000 cellphone users over 6 months found that almost 50% did not travel outside of 6-mile radius within their town/city. 83% stayed within a 37-mile radius (I guess this includes driving cities and the suburban areas). People tended to spend the majority of their time in five or fewer places!

Thinking about it, it's so true...we spend most of our time basically circulating between home, work/school, and neighborhood spots like the gym, grocery store, and our favorite coffee shop/restaurant, with the occasional run to the bank or dry cleaner. We are pure creatures of habit, so it seems we need to shake things up! Put plainly, if we stick to the same routine, our dating pool might as well be of the inflatable kiddie pool kind -- but what is the alternative? Sometimes we like being in our little neighborhoods and our little coffee shops. Is it okay to keep going to that coffee shop till you meet the one? Or is it time to step out?

Fellow Adults-in-Training...what do you think?

Peace,
A-i-T

A-i-T in Transition...

Hey y'all,

As some of you may know, I just started grad school at Columbia, and today was actually my first day of classes. I'm still reeling from all the emotions etc. but I'm excited about what lies ahead (despite putting my foot in my mouth during a class today...it was quite awesome...) [Likely a future blog post after I get in at least a week of school]

Anyway, I'm writing to let you all know that as I go through this transition period, the regularity of my posts is going to change until I have a better idea of how to fit blogging (among other things) into my new schedule. As I'm sure you've noticed...the posting the past couple of weeks has been sporadic at best in the run-up to my going to school...

As always, I will announce new posts on Facebook...otherwise check back every 3+ days for new posts.

I continue to thank you for your love, support, and feedback...As always, my blog would be nothing without YOU, so I hope you continue to read...

*Please show your support by joining the blog if you haven't already...*

**Please leave comments because I love to know what you think/feel...**

***Remember...this is your blog too!***

Peace,

A-i-T

Are We in Trouble?

DISCLAIMER: 1) I'm really not a fan of Soulja Boy or the current crop of ringtone generating artists.
2) My tone may seem a little shrill, but this piece is not an indictment on pop culture, but rather a call to examine the direction it is heading. I personally think things are more extreme than they were when I was a kid coming up...

I was at a wedding this past weekend dancing and having a good ol' time with friends, new and old and some young'uns ranging in age from 4 to 13. We are all gettin' down to group dance songs like the Cupid Shuffle, the Cha Cha Slide, and the inevitable grand daddy of 'em all, the Electric Slide, when all of a sudden the DJ decides to throw on some more recent joints...Enter Soulja Boy Tell 'Em...the following scene ensues...

"YOOOUUUUUHHH!!!"

The classic ringtone joint "Crank Dat" comes blaring through the speakers in all its steel drum glory. All Adults-in-Training proceed to groan, laugh, and roll their heads & eyes in recognition of this insanely popular but otherwise ridiculous song by an artist whose name will be forgotten in a year or two. The shock, awe, and awwww moments then came as all the kids on the dance floor from age 4 to 13 proceed to execute to near perfection (well, some better than others) the dance steps of this infamous song. Someone please tell me why two 6 year old boys were rapping the lyrics with near perfect delivery, while they executed all the steps like little Soulja-boys-in-training!?!? The little girls were right along with 'em. Repeat scene for DJ Unk's "Two Step." Then, as soon as some actual good music came on; 90's classics like Candy Rain (Soul 4 Real) and Motown Philly (Boys II Men), the kids scattered like a flock of startled birds...Hilarious...

The whole scene just as cute as it was disturbing, but it made me think, what are we teaching kids these days?!?! Who is raising our kids...is it us or MTV, BET, and VH1? Is it the slew of reality TV shows that we just can't seem to get enough of or the reality of a stable two parent household? Popular culture certainly has its place in all our lives, but when a six year old boy starts rapping "Supasoak that h@!" I think we've got a problem. Now at that age, he probably doesn't really understand what he's saying or the meaning behind the lyrics of the supremely "eloquent" song, but the impact of these songs, videos, and lyrics on a young impressionable mind cannot be taken for granted.

I'll freely admit to watching some of the junk that passes across the TV screen from time to time, but I can do it with a more critical eye and a higher level of understanding than a child. No child of mine, however, is going to be exposed to any of that stuff until they can digest it properly and truly understand it for what it is...(a little militant sounding, but I'd rather have them listening to Talib Kweli over Soulja Boy any day...)

Adults-in-Training, how do you feel about the impact of popular culture on today's youth? Are they in more danger of being negatively impacted by some of the media that's out there than we were? Or am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?

Peace,

A-i-T

What Exactly is (Age) Appropriate Dress Code?

“I don’t wear jerseys, I’m 30 plus, give me a crisp pair of jeans [fella] button ups …” ~Jay-Z – “What More Can I Say” (The Black Album)

When did it become “cool” to wear pants that you clearly bought in the junior’s section? When did it become “normal” to wear said pants below your butt and show the world varying amounts of your boxers (in bad cases boxer briefs) depending on how long your shirt is? When did it become “okay” to have to walk like you are carrying more than just your wallet in your back pocket? I don’t know about you, but to me, this latest fashion fad is TERRIDICULOUS! (Yes, you heard me!) This is an extreme example, but my question is, what is (age) appropriate dress code for an Adult-in-Training, and at what point should you let certain trends go?

For better or worse, your style and general outward appearance says a lot about you. It is the first impression you give to the world before they know the content of your character, the depth of your personality, or the fertility of your mind. Whether you are a label chaser or someone who purposely tries to look like they’re not trying (I personally don’t get that) we all make some sort of statement by what we wear. Given the profound weight we attach to such a superficial construct, how should an Adult-in-Training dress in order to “look” the part?

I am a long time lovH.E.R. of hip-hop and its innovative fashion and I definitely went through my phases with baggy jeans and t-shirts from the likes of Tommy Hilfiger/Nautica (flashback to middle school) and then Ecko, Mecca, Triple 5 Soul (high school/college). But nowadays, as a result of age, changes in taste and self-image, not to mention some um, tasteful “editing” of my closet done by girlfriend, fiancée, and now wife (yes at each stage she got bolder!) I now have a completely different wardrobe from what I had four years ago (we know how you ladies do. This sounds like another blog entry!). If I had the cash, I’d totally be a sneaker-head, but I still appreciate a fresh pair of kicks.
***Check out my girl Shelby's post, "Fresh Sneakers," also on this topic***

I’m 26 and comfortable with where I currently am fashion-wise, but I wonder, will my current wardrobe work for me when I’m 30? 35? When I’m a dad? In my experience, I don’t have a clear memory of my dad wearing sneakers when we weren’t on the tennis court. At what point do sneakers become purely athletic wear and no longer a fashion statement? When do loafers or some other more adult-looking shoes become my status quo? Should my jeans and my wardrobe become more “fitted” or dare I say more conservative as I grow older? I have it in my head sometimes that since I’m married…I should look a certain way. When I become a dad, I also somehow feel that I should look a certain way.

Now, this post is obviously written from a male perspective, but I think women are differently, if not less affected by this issue because there is so much more freedom/variety in constructing personal style (I could be wrong). I also think there may be more fluidity in so called (age) "appropriate" fashion allowing a 25 year old and 35 year old woman to have similar taste. The lines are definitely being blurred for men, but I think the paradigm wardrobe shifts are more dramatic as we age…

Fellow Adults-in-Training, what to you constitutes (age) appropriate dress code? Are we being too judgmental on the sagging pants trend? Should people be allowed to express themselves any way they want? How should style evolve with age if at all? Should what we wear even matter in relation to our age? What fashion trends do you feel HAVE TO be let go at different stages?

Peace,
A-i-T